Monday, June 27, 2011 — The tour was fun after all

I cannot believe it, but I just pushed a wrong button somehow and deleted (forever) a rather decent, lengthy blog entry about the last few days before and during the Mendocino Art Center Garden Tour. Still in shock that I can't retrieve it! So I think I'll go do some work in the studio or the garden and gather my courage to begin again. Back later. How is this possible?

I'm back but I'm asking myself a lot of questions. Am I ever going to reach the state where I won't find myself in need of a shoulder to cry on — a direction for my fury based on the ignorance I'm feeling about the digital disaster I experience a while ago. I'm not a screamer and I've always felt that temper is a form of self indulgence. But frustration and anger are oozing from my pores. So, poor reader, if there is anyone left, you are very likely to become my shoulder for the day. I spent over an hour this morning describing all the help I received and the success of the Saturday garden tour from my perspective. I'm not a person who can lose a complete chapter and then sit down and rewrite it from memory. I'm actually incapacitated enough to feel total resistance to even attempting such a task. I know, I'm pouting like a small child. Really. Over the years I've heard friends describe the loss of a file or a page or two of writing and I think I've been sympathetic — but, obviously not enough. This could finish a person off for hours if you let it. Sounds like I'm nearing the point of having to choose to carry on somehow or fade away until some kind of a recovery takes place. Damn! Which is it going to be?

Ok, I'll give it a try. Of course I will, I'm a stubborn Taurus after all.

I woke up early yesterday to see a very overcast sky. That worried me because this week the most exciting feature of my garden is the wild patch of poppies that have migrated to my yard for the last three years. We didn't plant them — they just appeared. A neighbor about a mile down the road planted a driveway circle with these gorgeous flowers and they somehow decided to move to our house. Probably with the help of the wind or local birds or both. If it is overcast, they don't open and there would go my number one feature. The gods brought out the sun soon after this worry wart moment and the poppies shown brilliantly throughout the dayl

If you're reading this blog once in a while you'll know that I have had a degree of apprehension over participating in this art center event. But the tour goers couldn't have been nicer about commenting over and over again about how much they liked being in our garden. That was more than good enough for me. I enjoyed them enjoying the color and quiet of it all. Many good friends came through as well as strangers with whom I enjoyed some lovely conversations.

The people who acted as docents were wonderful about welcoming everyone. Elaine, Richard, Lainie, Dave, Gwen and her husband all made it much easier for me. We put out cold and hot drinks and some things to eat. That seems to have been well received because it's all gone now.

Getting back to my earlier state of apprehension. As it turned out I had fantastic help putting on the last touches to the garden from some wonderful friends. Sachiyo called me earlier in the week and said she was coming up with her sister who was arriving from Japan on Tuesday. They came up Wednesday and helped with everything from soup to nuts. Holly and Roger called and asked if they could help on Friday. They had just arrived home from a lengthy trip out of state. Indeed they could help and indeed they did. When they arrived I asked them if they would drape some bird netting over the wire Carlos had put up above the berry patch. They didn't just drape. They engineered a gabled roof from one side to the other. Roger thinks the robins and jays will still come in through the chicken wire so I'm going to buy more netting today. It's impossible to thank friends like this enough. First of all, that they called and came because they were concerned that I would need help touches me deeply.

Sachiyo, Nami and I got so much into the garden chores that we were a bit more than tired when it wound up. But we laughed a lot, had fun and made great strides in the work. The day after the tour when a few volunteers from other gardens were invited to come take a look, we just kept gardening, not because we needed to but because we were having such fun and were so into the whole thing.

Jane Laurence said yes when I asked if she would like to entertain the viewers for a while during the tour. She had a gig at the hospital the night before and then she came and played, much to everyone's delight, from 10:00 to 2:00. She is truly a most amazing musical angel. At 86, she is model for all of us. I had hoped to move the piano out to the porch for her but Roger and Mark both thought that we'd run into trouble trying to take it over the threshold through the doorway. I finally agreed and we opened all the windows and doors when Queen Jane played her magic for the crowd. We heard and received many appreciative comments about having her music streaming through the south end of the garden.

I'm obviously happy now that I did say yes regarding the tour. It sounds like the Art Center sold a lot of tickets and I had a great time.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 — Music is the savior!

This afternoon I had a late lunch at Headlands along with some interesting reading and a serious visit with a dear new friend who is suffering a very complex loss. I wish her all the healing and learning she will need to see it through.

I went to Curves and then straight to the health club where I enjoyed an empty pool again. Seems that around 6:00 is a great time to do my laps. I know that hasn't always been the case, but I'm happy when it goes that way. I even had a five minute soak in the jacuzzi before I swam.

Lots of thinking today. Probably too much. Depression sets in when it wants to without even asking permission. The swim was good, though. It definitely produces endorphins and I like that. I went from there to the Fort Bragg Steak House. Oh, how I lament that naming. Here is this great restaurant with all kinds of fair for vegetarians (which I'm not) but I'm sure many a vegan drives right on past it without giving it a thought. They have so many good salads and other fair for the non-meat eaters. I actually went there tonight because they have "Taco Tuesday" and I decided that a couple of fish tacos and a little green salad would cheer me up for sure. Especially at one dollar per taco. Delicious!

It was still light when I left and I decided to have a cup of green jasmin tea and check out the music on Laurel Street. So there I was again at the Headlands Coffeehouse. A charming and vibrant trio was playing and singing with harmonies reminiscent of Simon and Garfunckle. Really very nice, full bodied musical arrangements with all kinds of instruments. A cello was being played by a very attractive young woman hidden behind the two men who were sometimes standing and sometimes sitting. They are evidently on their way down the coast from Oregon on a tour toward the southland. Sounds like lots of jigs and jogs ......tomorrow they're due for a gig in Sacramento. I told them to look up Mike at Italian Colors if they find themselves in the village of Montclair in Oakland. Speaking of Mike, James Maxwell has just finished doing the poster for the Mendocino Stories sponsored gig with Mike and Leah playing at the Mendocino Hotel July 18. Tomorrow morning I'll grab it off my desktop computer and see if I can put it in the blog. I'm never entirely sure about some of this technology. I think I know what I can do and then I find I can't. A bit of a crap shoot.

Well, by the time I began my short drive home from Headlands, I suddenly realized that music had done it for me again. New endorphins added to the swim perks. I found myself smiling and humming as I drove the familiar way. The dogs greeted me warmly at the driveway and I was happy to be there. I am happy to be here. Sleep well, dear ones.

Sunday, June 19, 2011 — Music on Fathers' Day

I've just been listening to Oak and Thorn again this morning during breakfast and the mending of a few garments before putting them in the wash. The music is mostly from Scotland ...largely from the Hebrides. Some sets featuring father/child relationships and happenings, some played or written by father/child teams and so on, always harking back to the role of the father. Some of these songs tell such emotional stories I dissolve in tears. I am such an easy mark. I find myself thinking of my own children and imagining their feelings as they experience this first Fathers' Day since their sweet father died.

I think our children are lucky in that they can know for sure that their Dad was one of those people who was meant to be a parent. He wanted children and grew with the experience every year as our family grew and matured.

My Sunday morning radio listening has now progressed to Ira Glass and This American Life. Of course all the stories have to do with fathers. The stories are amazing and sometimes scary, sometimes funny and though they often speak of fathers different from what I know, they all speak to something consistent with fatherhood. It's fantastic what different experiences people have with fathers. Our Kathy is still so openly struggling with the loss of her father but I am less sure of how our sons are dealing with it. Men simply don't wear their hearts so openly on their sleeves as much as Kath. My heart tells me they are having all the same feeling she is, just can't let it out in the same way.

One man in a radio story is mentioning his dad helping him with his taxes as an adult each year. That resonates. My children's father wasn't a big talker about love to his children but every thing he did showed them how much he loved them. We were all so lucky.

Enough radio for now. I'm out the door to weed another area of the garden. This garden that will be open to at least a hundred people next Saturday. I've just been notified that Sunday will also be a day to receive people ........all the volunteers and other hosts are being invited informally to go see "the other peoples' gardens." Still not quite sure how that works. I mean, if I go see other gardens on Sunday, who plays host at my garden? I'm sure it will reveal itself. In the meantime, I'm trying to tackle a new area of the garden each day. When I was in graduate school in Design, I had a drawing teacher who would say, "Don't get caught in the upper right hand corner of the drawing on a Thursday afternoon." He meant that you should always keep the gestault in mind and not concentrate on just one spot so you'll have something to show on the whole sheet of paper when it is due to be turned in. I subscribe to that advice and try like mad to follow it when I can get myself to. Doesn't always work but usually it's what helps me get the job done.

Bye for now, though I will probably come back later today and add a picture or two.... So, check in later if the spirit moves you. I'm back. Did my weeding but suddenly I actually have to think of doing it earlier before the hot sun. I can hardly believe I said that. If tomorrow follows suit I'll believe it's true. I weeded until I was just too hot, then took refuge in the studio where I did email business before going to do my laps. The pool was totally empty for a while. What a luxury. After returning to feed the dogs and change clothes I had dinner at the Peter Gealey's with the Jensens and the McKinley's who were traveling with Peter and Mary and have been visiting the coast for the last few days. A great evening. It's their garden that ought to be in the tour. Gorgeous, with a maple that is to die for. I really appreciated being with them. Good conversation. Fun to have a visit with Felicia also. Sunday nights alone are not my favorite time. It was good to catch up on the McKinley's. Ed helped us so much when we first bought the PTA property on Alger Street. It was fun to show them the new "campus" yesterday. So that's my day ....and night. Hope you all had a good Father's Day. Bye for now, really.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011 — Driving home from Harvest Market

After my swim I went to Harvest Market, our wondrous place of buying so much that is organic and sometimes unusual. It is also a place you should avoid if you don't feel like meeting half of your friends as you work your way through the aisles figuring out where this or that has been moved to in their ongoing effort to organize their products in new and more 'logical" ways. One such reorganization took place several weeks ago when suddenly there appeared a "doggy boutique" (my words) where I used to find my favorite shampoo and conditioner as well as the Alba moisturizing cream with green tea and aloe ingredients that I like so much. I let fly with a few not so under the breath comments at the time this was all happening, but of course I walk straight to this new location to find the best corn free dog kibble because of Bobbie's allergic reactions to corn. And I now enjoy the new area where my creme and hair products are found. Keeps you on your toes.

When I came out of the health club and drove to the market, the sky was remarkable. Looking toward the West, the serous clouds were all gradations of vivid pink and grey. As I turned to the Southeast there was the biggest, most perfectly round moon one could ever ask for. The sun had shown and it was almost warm today. Maybe we're about to experience something close to what we've come to think of as "normal" weather. I could handle that.

Cousin Anna Waldman Brown has just graduated from MIT and is back on the West Coast. I received a call from her Sunday and tomorrow she is coming to visit and have lunch. She will be with friends from Comptche. I look forward to meeting them and seeing Anna. I'm going to do my favorite green salad with Balsamic dressing and sliced strawberries and mango and grilled chicken (or not). Yum. I never get tired of that salad. I've also just made new hummus, lentil salad and cucumbers with dill. Too much of course, but once you get started, it's hard to stop. It's all good stuff I can live on during the rest of the week. I realize I miss cooking for others. There is a certain kind of enjoyment in cooking into the evening without being under the pressure of time. I derive a lot of pleasure from doing that once in a while.

Don't forget to mark your calendars for July 18 when Mike and Leah will be playing at the Mendocino Hotel. What fun that is going to be.

Sunday, June 12, 2011 — The ecstasyThis m

In the last twenty four hours I have experienced such a range of emotions that I'm actually surprised I haven't wished to run from the whole phenomenon and pretend I'm not aware of it. But I am. And what's more, I wouldn't trade this awareness for anything. It amazes me that my emotions run from extremely unexpected and unpredictable sadness and sense of loss to an overwhelming feeling of joy over all kinds of things around me from moment to moment. No need to elaborate on the sad part. But the fact that I can also hear and see things around me that bring me extreme pleasure is a kind of mystery to me. What amazes me is the intensity of my feelings, both sad and joyous. Like the attributes of a work of art, either visual or performance, it would make sense that one could not sustain this kind of sensual intensity for a protracted time. And you wouldn't want to or it would become flatlined and the exquisite contrast would disappear. So there would go the endorphins. I am grateful that these feelings are strong. They give me a kind of energy, both physical and emotional. I feel more awake, more tuned in. It's hard to believe that a broken heart can still experience such wonder and joy. It is a mystery.

The much advertised Pacific Textile Arts Fair and sale took place yesterday as planned. There is no way to exaggerate the ease and lack of stress I experienced in the time leading up to the event and during the whole day as it progressed from arranging, pricing, establishing minimum bids, tidying up the premises and receiving the people who came to participate. The silent auction always results in my making many phone calls to winning bidders who had to leave before the countdown. This could be tedious, but actually, it usually results in my having some great conversations with a really wide spectrum of people that I might not otherwise have. We had many favorable comments from people who were seeing our new (old) buildings for the first time. All in all, a big success I am thinking. Thanks to all who worked so hard and thanks to all who came to visit and buy our goods. Also thanks to those who helped to break it all down after closing. Everything was so much easier because we could finish that chore up to a point and then simply lock the doors and walk away until a later day.

This morning I enjoyed listening to Celtic music while I ate breakfast. We have a program on KZYX called Oak and Thorn. Two great programmers alternate choosing wonderful play lists each Sunday morning. This morning they devoted some of the time to music from the US that was (is) directly influenced by music from the "old country." Very enjoyable.

While on the subject of Celtic music, I want to announce that Patti De Mateo has decided to feature Mike and Leah Wollenberg in a "Mendocino Stories" performance at the Mendocino Hotel on the night of Monday, July 18. It will feature some jazz and some Celtic. I'll have more on this soon, but I hope you'll consider saving the date and joining us. This perforance is scheduled to be a benefit for Pacific Textile Arts. I'm thrilled that they'll be up here to play again.

We're so fortunate to have the kind of quality musical experiences we do up here on this isolated coast. I drove home from the health club the other evening and decided to stop at Headlands Coffee Shop to hear a little music. As I walked through the door I was electrified by the loveliest sounds and vibrations. A solo cellist was playing something I hadn't heard before. During her break I asked her what the "eastern" sounding piece was. She said it was her own composition as were most of the things she played in addition to several classical pieces. In our conversation I mentioned that my granddaughter was heading for Oberlin in August. Her eyes lit up and she told me she had spent her first two college musical years at Oberlin. Her teach then became ill and she transferred to the San Francisco Conservatory. This lovely young woman plays here and in the Bay Area and goes by the name of Myra Joy. She is truly a name to watch for.

Last night after my swim I stopped again at Headlands and the feature was a man playing guitar and singing a huge range of songs, some by others and some of his own compositions. a very well modulated voice with a lovely range. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him. Also great people watching in the audience. Headlands is never boring.

So here's to the joyful times, the sad times and the exquisite feelings of contrast in my life as well as that mysterious gift from the gods — the ability to appreciate what I have at any given moment.

Monday, June 6, 2011 — Quick trip, on to the future

I feel like Larkin's life as well as mine is on a fast moving train. Time is such a changeable and subjective thing, isn't it? One minute everything moves at a snail's pace and then suddenly (or gradually) you feel it galloping along. That's where I am at the moment.

I drove up Saturday morning to Trinidad with Chuck and Leah and we arrived just in time to move on to the graduation site. A few minutes up Patrick's Point Road and down an idyllic lane to the bluff sits the home of the director of Larkin's charter high school, amazingly now rated number one in the state of California. Between the house and the cliff was a lawn arranged with white folding chairs for the event. Many people were already seated and others were indulging in quick visits with friends and relatives before taking their places. A very Bruegelesque scene. A charming musical background was provided by one of the graduates, a fine violinist — apparently up to Leah's standard.

Members of the faculty took their places in front of and facing us with their backs to a lively and dramatic sea and sky looking full of potential. The graduates entered to musical accompaniment and sat in the front row facing their teachers of the last four years. So far, no rain. Lots of the usual scenario, but the graduates voted to not invite a guest speaker in favor of hearing from each of their teachers. That went well for some time with musical interludes for pacing. Then, drop, drop, drop, then umbrellas going up all around. I couldn't help laugh at the results of so many umbrellas open around each of us. More rain ended up on peoples' legs, particularly their knees, because of all the water dripping off the edges of the bright colored contraptions. No way to avoid it in such tight quarters. The director of the school kept her cool throughout. She never mentioned the rain or made any gestures indicating that she was the slightest bit disturbed by it. What an amazing lady. I watched her hug each graduate with such warmth that I'm sure it will stay with them always.

There were lots of laughs as the students who wished to also rose and said a few parting words. A great group which could only make everyone there feel a sense of joy and pride over their achievements and aspirations. I'm so happy for Larkin and Elena that they've been able to be a part of this outstanding group. Elena has three years to go and then we'll be back for the last of our babes' graduations. Too fast, all of it. A lovely graduation, Larkin. So much bright energy and love at that warm and welcoming event.

Food was served from a series of gazebos, finishing with a chocolate fountain and other very rich looking goodies. The line was so long I actually didn't indulge in eating there but had a tasty glass of locally made wine. I knew Kathy had a kitchen full of food waiting for us when we returned to their house. She had made chile, corn bread and a green salad that blended perfectly with the lentil salad and humus I had made for the occasion. The lentils were the same salad I enjoy so much at the Larochette's in El Tuito. Impossible to go wrong with that dish.

Well, it always gets back to the subject of food, doesn't it? The next day, just before we left Trinidad, I ate a couple of dark chocolate brownies made by Elena. What an indulgent and celebratory weekend.

Chuck, Leah and I had a cordial trip back to Fort Bragg where they returned me to my canines after we stopped at Headland's Coffee House for a last quick salad together before they departed for the Bay Area. The dogs were glad to see me and we're all settled down into our usual routines.

Work continues and actually the pace has begun to quicken as we prepare for the big fund raiser fair, rummage sale and silent auction scheduled at Pacific Textile Arts for next Saturday, June 11. If you live nearby, it's not too late to contribute items for any part of this event. It's going to be a joy to have the auction, bake sale, book and plant sales all set up in advance in the new library space. There's no denying that in the past these activities produced a stressful night's sleep before rising at a much too early hour in order to get it all out and arranged Saturday morning. What fun this is going to be with these new amenities. Thanks so much to all of you who have contributed to our building fund which is allowing us this luxury.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011 — One last visit to the party

It pleases me that I still have friends thanking me for the Taurus party. It's great to know that it was enjoyed. Just a few loose ends and we'll let it go. I'd like to give one last thank you to all the people who brought such delicious dishes to the potluck. We have several more large wooden utensils than we did before. Could one of them be yours? Also a black round plate. And last but not least, one Colombia rain jacket. It's yours, Robert. Right? We missed a few good friends who couldn't make it. Here's to next time.

This weekend Larkin is graduating from his super rated charter high school in Arcata. From a grandmother's point of view — what a fast four years that was! I still remember the day he was born. I was teaching at College of the Redwoods and thirteen of my students invited me to Viraporn's Thai Restaurant in the little white caboose to celebrate my birthday. When I walked in, they began singing "the happy song" to me and I sat down. Then I looked around and they all had the strangest smiles on their faces. After a long pause they began speaking, one person at a time. "You have a new baby grandson." I still wilt whenever I think of it. Kathy had been having a tough time and was ordered to bed in her last weeks. Skip was in Berkeley and when he received news of Larkin's birth from Arcata, he called Viraporn's restaurant because he knew all about the birthday dinner that my students had organized.

Fast forward to the weekend when Kathy and Danny brought their growing baby boy down for a visit to Fort Bragg and his grandparents. After lots of encouragement, they decided to leave him for the first time and go into town to see a movie. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly as we parked ourselves down on a quilt with him in front of the wood stove. Then all hell broke loose. His "binky" was lost and despite a frantic search, we simply could not find it anywhere. The howls began and didn't stop. It was then that we discovered that we had another tenacious Taurus in the family. It was a fun filled hour before his parents returned and miraculously produced a replacement for the treasured item. He's been a joy from that time on.

Now that baby who was born on my birthday eighteen years ago is almost 6' 4" and 200 lbs. He's going to San Jose State in the fall where he'll be studying aeronautics in their engineering department. This is something he's wanted to do forever. Two of his uncles are United pilots. His other grandfather was a lawyer, but a pilot also ....... Heavy duty influence at work. I've been meaning to get to the San Jose Quilt and Textile Museum more often. A friend of mine is a curator there. She mounts some memorable exhibits. I have a hunch I'll be seeing more of them over the next few years.