Monday, October 4, 2010 — The journey continues

It's still going at a one day at a time pace. Being the rather introspective person that I am, I have become fascinated by the uncountable facets of grief. It's not that I haven't thought about it before. I grieved painfully for my mother who truly left before she had completely come to grips with her life and her desires. I have mourned for the loss of friends. But this, for me, is a whole new stratosphere.

We held our memorial celebration for Skip a week ago and since that day I think I have heard more good and otherwise advise than I would think possible. It certainly reminds one that you are not the only one who has ever experienced such a loss. When it comes down to it, each person's loss is as monumental to him as the one that befalls the rest of us. Which brings one back to the fact that there is nothing new about it all. It is just so excruciatingly personalized when it's your loss you're talking about. I think each loss is like a finger print. There can never be one exactly like another.

So, I look around and try to find the little things that have eventually helped my friends and acquaintances to stay sane and work their way back to creative and productive lives after an earth shaking loss. Many have recommended grief groups. Perhaps for me, perhaps not. Time will tell. I have several friends who have helped me the most toward finding a sense of perspective. Just knowing that I can say anything to them and ramble on about my feelings is so comforting. I love them for being there for me. My children help me a lot and I try to help them because I know they are each grieving the loss of their father in their own way. The memorial celebration was therapeutic to all of us and I believe to our friends also.

I would like to thank my children, grandchildren and brother in law for their incredible support and assistance on the day of the celebration. Mike and Leah played wonderful music as the guests were arriving. I was able to get through a few words of welcome before I had to turn the proceedings over to Skip's brother Chuck. I couldn't have made it through the day without him and his calm control. Our daughters-in-law took over the kitchen with Sachiyo and Tammy and Laurie with amazing energy. Our son Steve, back from living in Italy, spoke after Chuck and gave us a lovely sense of how important family is to all of us. Mike played a lovely tune dedicated to his father and Kathy told us of her dreams involving her father. Leah played a wonderful tune and Steve read the great poem that Mira had written about the importance of "Grandpa." Our good friend, Max, gave an inspiring and beautifully paced homage to his writing friend, Skip. Rianti (Lydia Rand) and Russell Bartley each spoke beautifully of their friend. Jean Pierre talked of our travels together and his long friendship with Skip and that dissolved me once more. Sheila Fetzer and her friend Bob Daley played gorgeous music and Sheila sang some of her own song to the delight of everyone. I thank all of these loves in my life and the many more who came to be with us that day from the bottom of my heart. I think we gave him a good send off for his journey to a new way of being.

(On the practical side, we have a little lost and found that contains a baseball cap with Australia embroidered on it, a pair of glasses, several round pans and maybe more. Call me if you are missing something. Tomorrow I will place the obituary on the blog as requested by several people).