Friday, August 27, 2010 — The journey continues —

This is all new territory for me. I went from living with college roommates in Berkeley to marrying Skip. And here I am, fifty five years later, full of gratitude, love, unbearable sadness and awe. The husbands of many of my oldest and dearest friends have died over these years and left wives who've had great lives with their partners and who have managed to come through it in one piece, more or less. But only now can I even begin to understand what they have gone through. I want you all to know that I'm making daily progress and learning things about myself, Skip's and my life together and what it means to have three loving children and their families to lean on and grieve with. It is so hard on them also I know. They had the most understanding, sympathetic father and they are dealing valiantly with their loss all the while watching over me and supporting me in every task that comes my way. I am so proud of them. Skip, they're doing a great job! Yes, I do talk to myself and to Skip a lot now.

This seems to be turning into the "thanks to all" entry, so let's continue. The notes, messages and cards I have received from all of you dear, concerned friends have touched me and our children at the deepest places in our hearts. The consistency of your descriptions of Skip is amazing to me even though, in my heart, I know there is no other truth. Your generosity in offering us everything from places to bed down our guests to gritty offers of all kinds of labor is appreciated more than you can imagine. Phone calls have offered me words of wisdom that comfort me and encourage me. I know it isn't easy for some of you to make those phone calls. I love you for doing it and for all your many varied efforts to make my life easier.

I seem to pace myself in a way through this. And I've noticed that dealing with such a loss must be done in a completely personal and individual way. I can sometimes lose myself in reading a fast page turner like the Chet and Bernie mysteries or the "Girl with the dragon tatoo." Other than sleeping when I can, it seems to be my most diverting form of escape. But Kathy, who has been staying with me all this week, cannot seem to read more than a page before reality strikes it's hardest blows. I know my boys and Skip's dear brother, Chuck, are all having to come to grips with this loss in their own more stoic and typical Wollenberg fashion. Sometimes, when I think about them, I wish I could carry the whole weight myself to spare them. But of course I can't. They're the ones who are watching over me on an almost hourly basis. So this seems to be the way families and friends work it all out.

I must return to the thank you mode one more time. In all of my daily "rehashing" of the events of this last month, I inevitably come upon images in my mind of the crew over at Santa Rosa's Sutter Medical Center and those in the ICU and ER at Fort Bragg Hospital. Their daily and nightly efforts to save Skip were nothing short of heroic. How we and Skip were treated in those last days and hours will never be forgotten. How Sarah, Sam and others took care of me as Skip was slipping away and after the wrenching realization of his death will be etched in my heart forever.

Final update on our progress: We're beginning to actually think about the logistics of how the "celebration" will go. Kathy and I are making lists. We're thinking about chairs for some of you to sit on in the garden while we talk about Skip and our experiences with him. I'm not much of a "stander" myself. Not after we cross over the half hour mark. So, at least some of you will find a chair to sit on. The benches on the south end of the yard will serve us and if you think you might be on the late side, bring a little blanket to cover the bases. We intend to eat, drink, play boule and table tennis, listen to music, have good conversations and celebrate a life that was lived so generously and will continue to be with us on a different plane. It's just getting used to that difference that I haven't quite figured out yet. But I'll keep trying.

P.S. I give deepest thanks and am so touched by the "moment of silence" dedicated to Skip at Town Hall and Eric's dedication of the trading time show to Skip.